Equal rights for others doesn’t mean fewer rights for you. It’s not pie. – slogan on a decorative kitchen towel at a museum gift shop.

I grew up with white male rights that I did not have to fight for. The right to vote, to sit at the front of the bus, and to never need an abortion came free to me at birth. The fact that I was Jewish may have held me back, but probably not too much.

When Pat and I were arranging our move to Maryland months before we married in August 1975, we were looking for an apartment in Prince George’s County. We were told that if we were married, we could rent a one-bedroom apartment. If not, we had to rent a two-bedroom. When we returned to sign a lease, Pat slipped a small hoop earring off her ear and onto her ring finger. We were not asked if we were married. Seemingly, the ring was proof enough.

What right did a realtor or a county government have to tell us we needed to be married to rent a one-bedroom apartment? I was indignant that anyone would place a limit on the right to rent beyond the ability to pay.

We’ve come a long way.

The tide was turning toward equality when our daughters were born in 1980 and 1983. Perhaps they would be the first generation who could be whatever they wanted to be. Pilots, not just flight attendants. Dentists, not just dental hygienists. Ministers, not just directors of religious education. Women won the right to vote in 1920; Ivy League colleges began admitting women in 1969; women could serve on juries in all 50 states in 1973; and women could have credit cards without a male co-signer in 1974.

Ruby Bridges, at age six, became the first black child to integrate an all-white elementary school in New Orleans in 1960. All the white families withdrew their children, so she was taught alone in a classroom for the entire school year. In the following years, integration did make real, though halting, progress. Roe v. Wade secured the national right to abortion in 1973. Hilary Clinton was the first woman on the national ticket for U.S. President in 2016.

But we are backsliding.

Rights are taken away for legal, religious, and bigoted reasons. Donald Trump defeated Clinton in part because some people thought a woman should not be president, at least in this country. The Supreme Court struck down Roe in 2022, declaring that the authority to regulate or ban abortion belongs to individual states. Voting rights are weakened due to another Supreme Court decision, and Republicans are pushing a bill requiring proof of citizenship before voting, even though the number of illegal voters is infinitesimal. Kansas is at the forefront of the movement to remove trans rights. In February, lawmakers voted to invalidate the driver’s licenses of transgender residents who changed the gender markers on their licenses under a state policy that started allowing such changes almost two decades ago.

Are you hurt by someone else having the right to drive or to vote? The answer, I suppose, is they might clog the roads or vote against your priorities. Some politicians prefer to turn away voters rather than try to change minds. Why not accept everyone’s beliefs if it does not limit or hurt you? Why not be kind?

I donate to the American Civil Liberties Union, an organization dedicated to protecting the rights of all people nationwide. I am a member of Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist in Bethesda, Maryland, a welcoming congregation. And when I have good pie, I share.