My experience with same-gender couples has been filled with awe at the courage and dedication of these couples have demonstrated. The amount of social pressure they often endure creates subtle and sometimes overt psychological tension that heterosexual friends and family are often clueless about. For this pressure they endure, I am both in awe and deep humility.
Let me illustrate. I remember a class in my Unitarian Universalist seminary about the religious issues that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people have to endure. It was a broad exploration of the variety of ways church leaders have used prejudicial dogma and creed, through texts, songs, story, poetry, and art to condemn those who love differently from the norm. Combined with over 3000 years of uptight conservative fears about sex and sexuality, entire church structures have been set up systematically and deliberately to crush anyone who finds their sexual love expressed towards others of the same gender.
One of our projects in the class was to spend two hours using finger painting to show the soul of a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered person. It was not the outcome that was important. It was the process of reflecting on what happens to a soul when “God” and Church become the source of hate and judgement.
My heart broke. My soul was torn apart.
Is it any wonder that so many of our lesbian, gay, transgendered, and bisexual friends are struggling for dignity, for respect, for acceptance, and for love? For most, they have not only survived, they’ve thrived. For most they have found courage, and they have found creative outlets to let their souls grow and mature into amazing lights in our universe. But a few have remained stunned into silence, their souls voiceless, and a few have remained stunted and weak, unable to grow into their full beauty.
Now we have legalized same-gender marriage. Now we invite our LGBTQ friends and family into the legal morass that requires a lot of maturity. Is the church ready for this? Is the church ready to support couples as they make a deeper commitment? A few are, most are not. Most are still struggling with centuries-old structures, policies and procedures – all supported by antiquated dogma, creeds, and beliefs – that continue to oppress.
I worry for our LGBTQ friends as they take the next step into legal marriage. Most will be fine. They’ve been in long-term committed relationships, already having to endure society’s ambivalence and outright prejudice. Most have built up coping mechanisms and found ways to grow their souls into sources of deep compassion and enduring love. Most have already been showing the rest of us how to do marriage.
But a few, how many I don’t know, they face struggles which their church is not ready to help with. The souls of too many churches is still dark and full of fear. We are not done yet with our efforts to help our LGBTQ fiends and family. Legal marriage is a critical step in a long process of understanding mature and enduring love for all couples.
Love, Rev. Kate R. Walker